Why Having Feelings For Your Bestfriend Is So Damn Hard

It’s the plot of almost every teen rom com known to man – the classic best friends turned lovers.

We are so obsessed with the idea because it’s almost magical to watch. To not only know someone inside and out and accept their flaws, accept your differences and love them unconditionally – but to do all of this BEFORE you’re in a relationship?

It seems crazy, almost unreasonable. But it happens and most people will argue that the relationships that started with two people loving each other as friends grow to be some of the most successful romantic and intimate relationships there are.

Now, I’m not speaking from experience. If there was a society for people who cower behind the “I don’t want to ruin our friendship” excuse, I would literally be President.

But after almost three years of hiding behind this very rationale I am starting to think that maybe the risk is worth it.

It’s a sticky situation at best. Are they into you or are they just super comfortable around you? Is this bond special and unique or shared with others? Are you over analysing their “subtle hints” or are you making them up?

A huge factor in deciding to come forward with your feelings often weighs on how you think they’re going to react.

In some cases, it’s obvious you are more then friends. Maybe you’ve kissed, maybe more. Maybe you spend your weekends cuddled up in bed watching Netflix. Here, it’s really a matter of who’s going to admit first that you are more than friends? (HINT: YOU! Take the plunge!)

In other cases, it’s far less obvious and far more risky. Do you feel more than friends but less than “more than friends?” Do you do things that you know are special and unique and meaningful but are confused because maybe to them it’s not the same?

It’s tough. There’s no denying that.

Cue fear of rejection.

For most, it’s not only the fear of rejection but fear for the friendship. Are you prepared to risk it all?

Most of us aren’t. For me – I think I would rather keep my close friend, even if it means missing out on being in a relationship with them.

When you look at it in the sense that pouring your heart out might cause discomfort and awkwardness in the friendship if the feelings aren’t mutual, it almost makes sense to keep quiet.

However, if you look at it again from a different angle – why settle for friends when you can have more? Why do yourself the injustice because you were afraid of a little awkwardness?

The more you consider it and weigh up the pros and cons, the easier it is to realise that the predicament that you’re in is very multifaceted.

Maybe you’re trying to protect yourself. Maybe you’re not ready to commit. Maybe, in your heart of hearts you know that they don’t feel the same way.

If you’re like me and you’re wondering whether or not it’s time to come clean, I want you to ask yourself this very important question:

What is a relationship going to provide you that your already close friendship doesn’t? 

Take away the idea of intimacy and think about yourself here. This person, if they are your best friend already brings out the best in you. They’ve most likely seen you through heartache, grief, anger, stress, everything. They have seen the best of you but they’ve also seen the worst of you. You trust them and you love them, – in your own way.

Ask yourself if you’re prepared to risk it all for a shot at love and remember, at a young and tender age, most relationships won’t last forever.

I suppose there is no right or wrong answer and that intuition is the key to success. Maybe you’ll be sitting there one night and you’ll feel it. You’ll feel it in your heart: to come clean or stay mum.

Until then, appreciate and cherish what you have. Take the time to get to know your potential partner on a deeper level – test the waters. Live in the moment and be in the moment. Don’t lose yourself over something that could be nothing.

Love, and be loved!

This post has been published on Thought Catalog. See here.

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